Fifty Shades of Red

“What big eyes you have, the kind of eyes that drive wolves mad.

So just to see that you don't get chased I think I ought to walk with you for a ways.

What full lips you have, they're sure to lure someone bad.

So until you get to grandma's place I think you ought to walk with me and be safe.

 I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on until I'm sure that you've been shown that I can be trusted walking with you alone.”

You may recognize these lyrics from Sam the Sham & the Pharaohs, circa 1966. I will never forget the first time I heard this song. I was riding shotgun in my father’s Ford Maverick when he let out an ear-rattling howl… My dad has the best “Ooooooowwww” you can imagine! It did not occur to me, at the time, to question the lyrics I heard. In retrospect, I question many of the songs that my parents allowed me to sing as a child, but that is an entirely different post (and therapy session). I mention these lyrics because of the strong parallel to the message conveyed in Angela Carter’s “The Werewolf.”

 The relationship between the child and her grandmother is not detailed in the story, but one can assume that it was amiable. After all, the kid was delivering a “get well soon” package; so it stands to reason that she liked her grandmother enough to exercise empathy. Now, with that being said, I am going out on a limb with my presumed audience of this text…

The message of this tale likens Perrault’s version of LRRH; it sends a strong message about trust. We assume that our family and friends have our best interest at heart; however, that may not always be the case. Unfortunately, the ones that we trust are oftentimes the ones who hurt us the most deeply.

With that being said, I would like to draw attention to the fact that the girl was wearing, “a scabby coat of sheepskin…” Of all the skin in all the world, why sheep? Is she a wolf in sheep’s clothing, perhaps? I mean, the kid, “lived in her grandmother’s house,” and “prospered” from her grandmother’s death. My grandmother has been dead for nearly three years, and I have yet to enter her home. I certainly could not live there! Was she fully aware of her shape-shifting grandmother? Did she “cry wolf” and turn the village against her grandmother with the whole “witch’s nipple” business? Think about it, whose story do we tend to believe? If your answer is, “The one we hear first,” then you and I are on the same page.

I realize that I am stretching a bit here, but I feel like the audience of this tale may be the person who plays victim to the tragedy he creates. I am reminded of the girl who gets on Facebook and posts, “I hate my life this is the worst day ever!” (Insert sad emoji and depressing hashtag) then gets offended when someone asks what’s wrong. Are you following me? I feel as though the message in “The Werewolf” is that there are no victims. The wolf/grandmother tried to teach the girl a lesson and got killed. The girl protected herself from the wolf and cut her grandmother’s hand off. People make decisions that oftentimes lead to detriment. Some women get led astray by “wolves in sheep’s clothing.” Some women walk around in their red fishnets acting oblivious to the wolves they are attracting. Some people follow the path their entire lives and still encounter tragedy. Some people forge their own paths and never feel the slightest speed bump.

This lesson, in my opinion is more applicable to today’s audience. In many ways, we are a cut-throat society. We are taught to get rid of people who get in our way. If that means offing Grandma then so be it. Kill or be killed, right? We are a society of victims who protest rights that have not been violated and destroy out of fear of destruction. The line between predator and prey has been very blurred… just like in “The Werewolf” 

Gold diggers, mushrooms, and women - Oh my!

For the past nine years, I have had the privilege of teaching The Canterbury Tales to my English IV students. The Wife of Bath is my all-time favorite character! It’s not her prologue introduction or her tale that I find enthralling; I love the conversation that ensues her controversial philosophies. I guarantee that the knight is not the only man who has ever felt the pressure of the life or death quest to determine what women want! The most interesting aspect of that question is its ambiguity. Sure, the knight learned an acceptable answer – Women want sovereignty, right? I struggle to accept that the answer provided is THE answer that satisfies what women want.  In my experience, most of the female students in my classes struggle as much as the male students to answer this question. They don’t even know what they want! Personally, I cannot say that I want to rule over my man. In some ways, I take the lead: I am more organized and thorough. In some ways, I know that I would be at a complete loss if given charge. He is the patient person. He can talk to customer service people without ever losing his cool, he can get in and out of Wal-Mart without having to take out a second mortgage, and he can iron clothes without burn marks or emergency room visits. I would say that we happily share dominion.

Perhaps women want to be wanted. John Keats parallels “La Belle Dame Sans Merci,” or “The Beautiful Lady without Mercy” with The Odyssey’s Circe. She attracts lovers, lures them in, and then destroys them. There is power in being desired. How do women ensure that they are desired? Keep men wanting more! Despite the “pale kings and princes too, /pale warriors, death-pale,” the speaker of the poem continues to wait for the woman who took his freedom “with kisses four.” Why? She is clearly not coming back. She has proven herself quite the man eater. The poem presents a powerful argument about the loss of freedom associated with men who fall in love and the power that women have over them.

William Butler Yeats alludes to the same argument in his poem, “The Song of Wandering Aengus”. The poem’s speaker spends his entire life waiting, searching, and pining for the woman, “who called me by my name and ran/And faded through the brightening air.” He even suggests the control she will have over him in the afterlife by stating, “I will find out where she has gone, /And kiss her lips and take her hands.” What is it about this fish-lady that has this man so mesmerized?  In my experience, it’s the chase. Men want women who remain allusive. Men are engineered to hunt and gather. Once the quarry is caught, the chase must once again commence.

Jonathon Keats comments on the desire for the disappearing woman in “Ardour.” According to the tale, “Every year men worked harder to lure Ardour to her fate. They sang to her, played the fiddle or the flute.” The interesting twist in this tale comes when men stop seeking her. I supposed she earned the likeness of Kanye West’s “Gold-digger,” forcing men to reject her “cruel” and “simple” behavior. Was she a gold-digger? Was she an opportunist? I prefer to think that she was waiting for the one who made her feel “human.”

Women who leave men wanting more are the most desired. They may wear negative labels and fall into unpleasant stereotypes, but they are legends. They are immortalized by the men who chase them. They are the protagonists of local folklore and the fame of school yearbooks. According to these pieces of literature, all a woman needs to do, to make a man putty in her hands, is leave. Take a few days to accept the Facebook friend request, ignore text messages, and reschedule the dates. Women who play hard to get play boss!

As far as mushrooms are concerned, here’s my take:

Some mushrooms are delicious on top of a supreme pizza. They are the perfect addition to a lovely marinara sauce. They are absolutely delightful filled with cheese. And some will kill you! If that is not the ideal metaphor for a woman (fairy or not) I don’t know what is!